Wednesday, September 23, 2009

An example in karma

Every once in awhile karma wants to remind you that sometimes we make mistakes....

The other day I was getting off the train with my roommate, as I approached the door out of the station I saw this guy seemlingly waiting for someone or something that looked remarkably like the guy who stood me up. As I exited the station he saw me too... recognition on both sides was confirmed when he quickly turned his back to me. Just as I went to discretely point him out to my roommate, he quickly turned and walked in the other direction, ducking his head.

I couldn't help but laugh. I'm sure I've done something to someone that wasn't very nice, and being stood up was karma kicking me in the butt. And seeing me outside the train station 3 months after standing me up was karma kicking his.

I knew it was only a matter of time before we ran into each other. I'm kind of glad it happened like that and not while I was out on another date or in closer confinement. HA HA

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Seriously, who gets stood up?

Sometimes when you put yourself out there to meet someone new, things aren't exactly what they seem....

So I met this guy online. He seemd very chill and very kind, in fact his username all but stated those facts. After exchanging a few emails we agree to meet.

We had a little misunderstanding when first trying to meet up. I'm not really sure you can pinpoint whose fault it was, and I'm willing to say it was probably pretty 50/50. We showed up at different times. So it sort of seemed like we'd stood each other up. But we made it over that hurdle and met for lunch a few days later. Lunch was nice, we chatted, we figured out that we know some of the same people through our work in the same field. And later that afternoon he asked me to meet for drinks a few days later.

Our drink date went off with any hitches. The bar was a little louder than we would have liked but we seemed to have plenty to talk about and I left feeling like things had gone well. In fact he gave me a hug as we parted.

The next week we were both really busy and not around so we agreed that we'd get together once that all quieted down. The following Tuesday we chatted, he asked how my event went, told me briefly about his time away, etc.. At the end of the conversation he asked me what I was doing the following night, and we made plans for Wednesday.

The plan: 7pm Diva Lounge in our neighborhood (yes he lives in my neighborhood).

6:55 I arrive.
7:05 he's still not there.
7:20 comes around and he's still not there.
So I try calling him. Knowing he works in Boston I figure he could have been caught up at work and then caught on a slow train... his phone goes straight to voicemail, I leave a messaging "Hi, just wanted to make sure we're still meeting tonight. I guess something must have happened to keep you. Give me a call when you get this".
7:30 I head home figuring that by the time I get home I'll get a call from him with an explaination and perhaps still time to meet for a little bit....

Well that was in June, and it's now September and I still haven't heard from him.

Shortly after he stood me up he looked at my online profile again (the website tells you who looks at you), he's also been on his email (he shows up in my gchat window)... but still nothing. So this tells me that he's not dead or unable to communicate.

I'm not sure it would have worked out anyways, but really? Who stands people up? I truly thought this only happened on TV or in the movies. I mean there are so many ways to communicate with people without having to turn them down face-to-face. He could have sent a text, left a voicemail when he knew I'd be at work, or sent me an email to tell me he wasn't going to be there or wasn't interested.

Friday, September 18, 2009

How do you meet the opposite sex in your 20's?

This whole problem of meeting people in your 20's isn't limited to just friendships, it covers romantic relationships too.

For the first part of our dating lives we meet members of the oppostive sex at school, and sometimes through friends of friends. This happens while we're still in the habit of striking up conversation with people we may not know because we have something obvious in common (same class, same friend, etc). But once you have left school, friends of friends and the bar seem to be the most obvious connection to meeting people.

Now, the friends of friends option makes a lot of sense. Except when you start to realize that your circle of friends is getting smaller, and you aren't meeting new friends, and so the potential to meet members of the opposite sex has drastically decreased. Not to mention the fact that nobody wants to set their friends up with their other friends for fear it won't work out or will end badly or some other reason entirely.

The bar has long been considered a bad idea for meeting people. It's too loud. It's too crowded. People are drunk. You never meet anyone worth knowing. Now, of course these are excuses and not all true. But once again, by the age of 25 we have pretty much abandoned our ability to just walk up to someone and say "Hello."

This leads me to online dating websites. Online dating seems to boost our ability to just say "Hello." The whole point of being on a dating website is to open yourself up to meeting new people, people you might not have otherwise met. However there seems to be a large number of people on those sites that aren't quite ready or willing to actually meet. Does that defeat the purpose?

For the last 3 or so years I have been using online dating websites. I've used 3 different sites and had various levels of success and defeat with each. At first I was shy even online but after some time I realized that I could send the first email, and that I could meet people, go on dates. I learned not to take it personally if someone doesn't reply to my email, says they aren't interested in me, or never calls after our first date. But lately I've been wondering why it is that I can't do this in person. Why can't I just approach a guy in a coffee shop, bar, store, or wherever, and say "Hi. I'm Melissa."?

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

How do you meet people in your 20's?

I've had this conversation many times over, with several different people... How do you meet people when you're in your mid-late 20's?

When we're young we're taught how to meet new people and how to make new friends; in fact we're so young when this lesson starts that most of us probably don't even remember learning it. By the time we're in 1st grade we have already had many different friends, several "best friends", and maybe even a boyfriend (/girlfriend) or two.

So why is it that by age 25 we have totally forgotten these skills? Making new friends never seems all that tough in school; with an ever changing class schedule and automatic things in common, friendships are practically ready-made. The real challenge comes once you leave the college campus and enter the real world. Sure, we meet people at work and form friendships with our coworkers. But all too often those turn out to be relationships better left at work; or our coworkers are in such a wide variety of stages in life that having close friendships is nearly impossible.

And this leaves me again to question... how does one meet new friends while in their mid-late 20's? As children we have no problem just introducing ourselves and playing with new friends. Why can't we do the same thing as adults?

Hi. I'm Melissa. Will you be my new friend?